we may be cramped, but at least we’re not alone
As I have hinted, we are having a soul-searching, crystal-ball-needing debate in our home: Whether to stay in our one-bedroom apartment for a few more years, or to sell now in exchange for nice-sized house right outside the city. As an 18-year NYC-er, I am really torn. An article in yesterday’s The New York Times pretty much hit the nail on head: Move Up? Move Out? Manhattan Families Squeeze In. It seems we are hardly alone in this conundrum of ours: The number of families living in one-bedroom apartments is up over 30%. For most of the country, the thought of sharing a room with our kids is preposterous. Here it is becoming a way of life. I’m still not sure what we’re going to do ourselves. At the moment, we’re cleaning and de-cluttering, which feels nice. If any of you are in the same boat (or perhaps are happy commuters who can share encouragement?), I’d love to hear from you! In the meantime, the rest of you can check out this article and chuckle over how nuts New Yorkers are. — Angela M.
October 10th, 2008 at 5:45 am
I don’t think you are nuts at all - that’s just the price of living in an amazing city if you don’t have a trust fund. Unless you have the big bag of money fall on your head, there is always a trade-off - one bedroom apartment BUT world class museums/galleries/theatre. Or a house and less access to the arts, etc.
Judith Warner had an interesting column last week about how in the 1970’s you could live in NYC as a family on one income! That’s the big change - impossible to do now.
And finally, much of Europeans who live in major cities live in apartments all their lives and do quite fine.
October 10th, 2008 at 5:47 am
Is it even possible to move in NYC now? Are any banks lending?
October 10th, 2008 at 7:12 am
I think it just comes down to what is more important to you: space or living in NYC. I know we decided to live in a smaller East Coast city that was an easy drive from Philadelphia, NYC & DC and where we would have the ability to buy and live in 3 bedroom house with 1/2 acre yard for about half of what the couple in the story spent for their 700 sq ft studio while still being able to visit NYC on a whim.
Do I wish sometimes we lived in NYC? Sure. But we decided having a more affordable lifestyle and a yard for our dogs and a real kitchen was worth it.
October 10th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Question is, do you own or rent? If you own, stay. In the old days, people raised families of 4 in apartments like that. If you rent and can do your job from anywhere, move to a low cost city.
October 10th, 2008 at 7:55 am
We have an almost-four-year old son. The three of us have been living in a one-room, 268-sq-ft yome (yurt) since his 2nd bday. It’s tough sometimes sharing space like this, and I wouldn’t want to do it forever; we are building an eathbag house on our property, and the yome is our “transition” house. Before this, we lived in a one bedroom apt in SF (definitley had more space then… the square footage on the next struture will be comparable to an apt, althouh he will have his own space (not a room ecactly.. more an integrated family/play/living space withhis bed in it. Personally, for us, we’ve always shared a bedroom with our little one, and he only made the transition to his own bed this summer. I don’t think I’d want to do it with an older child (5+), but it seems to work fine while they’re this little… Good luck!
October 10th, 2008 at 9:13 am
We did it in Los Angeles, 3 of us living in 800 sq feet and together in 1BR. It got old. We just moved to suburban Philadelphia to a house 3 times the size with LAND. We’re renting for just a bit more than we spent in LA, but got rid of one of our cars to afford it. Having space is priceless. Do what you can when it’s good for you.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Our family lived like this for years, unable to afford to purchase a home in the area we lived or even afford a larger rental.
We finally couldn’t take it anymore. Since we’ve moved to a larger space we all feel closer, there are fewer arguments, and almost never a line for the bathroom. That last one alone is nearly priceless.
October 10th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I grew up in a small suburban house (3 “bedrooms”, but only 1,000sf) that my mom still lives in. Every time I go back, I can’t believe a family of four lived there.
I hate to say it, but the size of that space might have had something to do with the seething resentment that characterized my family until the day I moved out to go to college. It’s fine when the kids are little, but there should be a plan for acquiring more space once they reach middle school. And this is coming from a die-hard city dweller.
October 10th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Come to think of it, Angela, my early years weren’t all this different. As the youngest of nine (that’s right, NINE) kids, we lived in a house with five bedrooms. Sounds big, until you think about all 11 people living there at once–and about the fact that the rooms were tiny; it was not a big house. My mom and dad had a room, the oldest brother (who was 18 when I was born) had his own room, the next two brothers shared a room, the two oldest girls shared a room, and the four youngest shared a room — two in a double bed, the other two in bunk beds. People started moving out after a year or so (my oldest brother got married when I was five) but we did it.
October 10th, 2008 at 11:37 am
My brother-in-law and his wife have this conversation all the time (upper west side) , primarily regarding schools for their two girls. He is super involved with them, and will have to leave the house before they’re up and return right at bed time. Quality of life is about relationships, not things. You will make the right decision for your little family, I’m sure.
October 10th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I don’t know. Living in an amazing city is certainly something to think about. But people need to get away from each other from time to time. Everyone needs some private space.
October 10th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
We moved an hour-and-a-half out of Manhattan to a brand new four-bedroom house on two acres. For us, it wasn’t worth it, and we finally moved out of NY altogether. The commute grated on my husband, and it was an 6 - 8 hour door-to-door trip for me to go into the city to meet him for dinner and a show. We missed everything the city had to offer on the weekends….If I had it to do over again, we would have rented a bigger apartment in the city.
October 10th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
my husband, 18 month old daughter and i live in a 650 sf one bedroom.
i would not dream of moving. we have a great neighborhood (inwood/washington heights) there are lots of playgroups and activities for our daughter, lots of great parents that we see every day on the playground, and our apartment is (very) affordable.
we had to change how we live in our apartment when our daughter came along. we went through all of our personal belongings and questioned whether we really needed to keep something or would we rather have the space. we sold a lot of our stuff on craigslist and ebay and now only have what we need and use. it was very liberating to do this and it is easy to keep the place clean and tidy now, even easier than before we had a baby.
we have plenty of space in those 650 sf for a home office, my studio, a play area…
when our daughter gets older we plan to put a murphy bed in the living/dining room so that she can have the bedroom, and some privacy.
my commute is 15 minutes, my husbands is 20 (by train)
October 10th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
We are a soon-to-be family of four in 600 sq. ft. in San Francisco. There are three of us right now and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When my daughter has playdates in larger homes, she asks why the parents don’t want their children near them at night. Granted, she is just short of five. I’m sure her attitude will change when she’s older.
October 11th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
It was certainly a trade-off for us… we left family, friends, and the place we loved to live all behind when we moved to a more affordable area.
We did, however, gain in that our family relationships grew closer. The kids stopped arguing almost entirely once they no longer needed to share a room and once we weren’t always living on top of one another.
Everyone felt like they had room to breathe and be alone when they needed to be. We have room for a dining table and could finally all eat meals together, sitting across from one another, rather than perched at various counter spaces in a tiny kitchen. That was a wonderful change.
We miss what we left behind, for sure, but all of us try to focus on what we have that we could never have afforded without moving.
October 12th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
We moved out of the city just before our first son was born. I’d grown up in NYC and we’d lived there together for years. We basically drew a “commutable” circle around the city and looked at towns in those areas. Almost randomly, we ended up in Hastings-on-Hudson, a very short commute from the city and a great town (wonderful schools, artsy people, etc.). I was worried about what it would be like to live in the suburbs, but I can honestly say that the transition was no big deal. Other than the lack of decent ethnic takeout nearby, I don’t miss a thing. This would be a great time to look for a house–prices are way down….good luck!
October 13th, 2008 at 5:07 am
[...] 1. The debate between small places in the big city and big spaces in the ‘burbs rages on. While some readers like Allison say, “Having space is priceless,” others like Tiffany see the other side of the coin: “We missed everything the city had to offer on the weekends.” Got an opinion on the subject? Please weigh in here! [...]
October 14th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I’ve been in a lot of situations - very rural, standard burbs and in the city. I will never ever again live in the burbs, though I could see myself living in the country. I have never felt more disconnected from EVERYTHING as the times I’ve lived in the burbs.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:33 am
[...] week we debated the merits of family living in a small space in the city versus a cozy house in a suburb. Admittedly, just the word “suburb” makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up a [...]