post off: his vs. hers? how do you co-decorate?
Here’s a subject I will tread lightly on: decorating and co-habitating. It seems that every couple I know has an opinion about it, and in many, many cases the secret to domestic bliss is to make sure the guy has a designated “guy” space — you know, the place where he can put his three computers, album collection and lava lamp. It sounds clichéd, but I know so many examples. A friend’s stepdad has the entire basement filled with stuff, including his extensive badminton rack collection. A certain film critic I know has a lofty over-the-garage space for her man. But what if you don’t have that extra room? Chad and I more or less have very similar tastes, but each of us is guilty of bringing home things (big things!) without consulting the other first. I try to go with the flow while secretly plotting makeovers in my head. (Word of caution: Solo trips to Ikea are NOT a good idea.)
Mary T., seems to have figured it out. She writes: “Part of the reason I knew that Dave (my husband) was the one for me was when I walked into his house and said, “I love your art!” (That’s pretty much where it ended, though–he was not acquainted with a vacuum when I met him.) We’re really lucky that our tastes merge so well…once we threw out the Sofa from 1992 (that used to be white, shudder) he was hanging onto!” Want proof of their decor harmony? Check out this flicker photo, where she kindly gives us a peek at her new Seattle place, and tells us what’s his and what’s hers.
What about in your home? How do you manage the merging of two people’s stuff without pulling your hair out? In the battle of interior design, who wins? And, if you’re single, do you have things you love that you would NOT give up for a mate? Have you thought about it? Lets get this touchy little subject out from under the rug! — Angela M.
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am
I love my hot pink dining chairs and my plum-and-metallic-gold desk. My favorite colors are the center of my rainbow-colored decorating scheme–pink, purple, and red–not exactly the definition of masculine. I’d be ok with moving the chairs and desk to a studio or guest room, but I refuse to give up color.
May 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 am
while my mate has opinions, he does not think that much about design. after a few years of respecting his opinion, i realized that while he talks a big game HE DOESNT REALLY CARE! so i ditched the recliner and declared that he would no longer be consulted on home decorating. i take his likes into account, but do not engage in discussion. it works great! but he has some limits-my dream of a laquered magenta bathroom may, sadly, never become a reality.
May 3rd, 2007 at 11:02 am
I’m lucky because my boyfriend doesn’t really care. As long as I can fit the giant tv and nintendo wii into the design plan, he’s happy.
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:43 pm
I am lucky because my boyfriend is an artist his house was expertly painted and decorated long before I moved in. Our styles seem to blend together as my large green couch looks great with the yellow dinning area etc. As for other future projects we both shop together for big purchases but for smaller purchases our tastes are pretty similiar.
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:42 pm
You’ve hit a nerve on this one. Hubby and I are both WAY too opinionated on our home. I gave up my couch when I married him (still miss it sometimes). Now are are planning a full kitchen remodel and it’s entirely possible we won’t both survive. I am trying to let go of the stuff I really don’t care TOO much about and hold on to the really critical stuff (like avoiding granite countertops and having a bookshelf for cookbooks)
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I’m really lucky, my husband and I mesh really well. There isn’t a his and hers area in our home, we even share an office/studio and the design has never been an issue. Though I could ditch the futon in the office in a second and make guests stay at the local Hilton instead of with us but he wants it.
I think I might be the only wife who has a 18inch Ash from Army of Darkness action figure in the living room and everyone who comes to visit thinks it belongs to my husband.
I just picked up paint for the living room and he said he had picked the same color in his head. =)
May 4th, 2007 at 4:45 am
Oh man, this has caused some battle royales with my husband and I. It’s reeeeallly hard finding things we both like. So much so, that I get into this heightened state of frustration where I start to like things I wouldn’t normally…but within the context of finding a solution (and dealing with 1000 suggestions that my husband has already shot down) I *think* that I like something simply because I was able to get him to agree. Then the dust settles in a month and I look over at the new chair/couch/table and think “eww” what was I thinking? I need to find a combo interior decorator/therapist the next time around…
May 4th, 2007 at 7:08 am
I knew I was in trouble the first time I saw my husband’s bedroom when we were dating. He had leopard print sheets, a 40 watt bulb in his lamp for “mood” lighting, and stereo speakers as tall as me. Needless to say, we have multiple arguments about decorating.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Wow! This hit a nerve.
When I was married, my then husband and I were both very opinionated about our home’s design and decor. It was his house before I moved in so he won the “Overlord of the Domain” title, and I got a 8′X9′ room to put my things in. Needless to say, it didn’t work out with us.
It is only space however we make it so much more in our heads. As long as both people have equal standing in the house decisions and both are working towards blending their individual life into a couples life then do whatever works. Personally I think that means that both people have some area that they have complete control over and are perfectly happy in individually, with the rest of the space being an eclectic mesh.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I think, if you asked any residential interior designer or kitchen/bath designer, you would learn that successful ones ARE mediators, arbitrators and counselers to their clients.
I have had only one divorce during a project in 25 years of doing this, so I think I do a pretty good job of it.
I should point out that my own husband and I often clash on these issues as well…Unfortunately he won’t let me counsel him. ;>D
Peggy
June 28th, 2007 at 7:19 am
[...] coming to us for help on this delicate matter. We’ve written about the compromises needed in he-said/she-said decor before, but it certainly gets more sticky when a little one is involved. Our basic advice would be [...]
September 8th, 2008 at 5:45 am
love the pic you took of the gunman and the girly kitty knick knack. so appropriate & cute!